It’s probably just me, but I’ve been noticing much more hype going on this year about Mother’s Day. Maybe it’s just the evil empire, capitalizing on yet another holiday? Possibly. Or perhaps it’s because I’ve joined the blog-o-sphere, and I’m now captivated by numerous other sites dedicated to parenthood and published by mommy-bloggers. More likely. Or maybe it’s just that this day is beginning to mean more to me than it ever has.
My feelings about Mother’s Day have run the gamut. Once, in elementary school, my class marched in a “Kids Day” parade, after which I was interviewed by the local news station about “Kids Day.” My response was something to the effect of, “They have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and Grandparent’s Day… Why shouldn’t we have Kids Day?” To which my father replied after seeing the new story, “Um, hello… everyday is kids day.” But that doesn’t mean much to a 5th grader, and I kind of saw Mother’s (and Father’s) Day as just another time to have to figure out a present to buy for my parents that would, A) make them say, “Gee… that’s just great… thanks…” as they rolled their eyes or; B) make them weepy and cause me to get all uncomfortable. In general it was mostly an annoyance. And if I had to go through the motions, then we very well should have a Kids Day as a reward!
Even once we became parents, Nick and I have mostly seen Mother’s and Father’s Day as simple day, not to be given much time or effort. Generally, the Mothers are given a plant at church, which I promptly proceed to kill neglect forget to put in the ground until the leaves and petals are shriveled and it has absolutely no hope of survival. Other than that, Nick has always done a nice job of finding a humorous card to make me giggle, and buying a nice, but simple gift. We’ve never really seen the point of going all out, or doing anything extraordinary.
And frankly, I don’t really see the point of “taking a day off.” Because taking a day off just means double the amount of work to do the next day. But more than that, if you’re only taking one day off a year, you’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Lately, it seems that I’ve been taking most evenings “off.” I leave the kids with Nick and head out… either for exercise, church responsibilities, or often just for fun. But not to worry, I have plenty of mommy guilt associated with such excursions. But as I’ve reflected on Mother’s Day, at a point in my mommyhood that has been particularly frustrating for me at times, I’m learning to let go of a little bit of that guilt. I have been blessed with an incredible husband that is more than willing to “parent” the kids when I need a night off (we don’t use the “babysitter” title when it comes to Daddy). And when I stop and think about it, having them spend time with Daddy is not detrimental to any of their well-being. In fact, it allows them all to get a chance to bond that wouldn’t happen if I was there taking up Daddy’s time and energy. And that doesn’t even touch on the benefit for me.
Recently I ran across a quote from Carl Jung that I particularly liked:
Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically…on children than the unlived life of the parent.
And I started realizing how true this is. I know that some of my most difficult and poignant childhood memories are from times when I felt responsible for sacrifices my parents had to make on my behalf. Or if I felt they were sad in any way, I felt it was my job to cheer them up. And though I’ve always given them a hard time about it, I’ve [almost] always secretly approved of the fact that my parents missed my first day of kindergarten and my brother’s first birthday in order to take a once-in-a-lifetime rafting trip down the Grand Canyon. I’m glad that they lived their life, and got that opportunity, instead of being a little too tied down (but don’t tell them that… I’ve been using this as a guilt-trip for years!).
I’ve also recently started to notice what a difference my mental attitude has on my children. When I get frustrated with Mylie, she immediately begins to ask “You happy Mamma? You happy?” This is a dirty little trick of hers, to try and get out of being in trouble, but it does make me pause and check my emotions. It’s obvious that they have a big impact on her.
So for my gift to myself for Mother’s Day, I’m going to try a little harder and not feel guilty about living my life outside of my children. I’m going to take better care of myself, and relax a little bit more. I’m going to let them have all the Daddy-bonding time that Daddy can stand and not feel guilty, because “you can’t draw water from an empty well.” I want my well to be full, because I want to be 100% for my children and my husband. I’m grateful that I’m in a position that I can do this, and that I have a husband that supports me in it. You guys are the greatest!