The other day we were on our way home from the mall, when we passed that infamous mecca of childhood wonder, Chuck E Cheese’s. It had been a long and tiring day, and I was a bit cranky, so when Mylie spotted it as we passed, I cringed. Mylie has only been to Chuck E Cheese’s twice, only one of those times being with Nick and I. We were warned early on in our marriage that the place was an excellent form of birth control. I was not prepared to deal with the whining I knew was coming my way. So I tried to nip it in the bud.

Mylie: “Mom, I want to go to Chuck E Cheese’s!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that would be really fun, wouldn’t it? Maybe we can go there sometime.”

Mylie: [enter whiny voice] “But Mmmooommm, I want to go there nnoooowwwww.”

Me: “Sorry, honey, we have to go home and see Daddy. Won’t that be fun?”

Realizing the simple whine was getting her nowhere, Mylie decided it was time to switch tactics, and this time caught me off guard with something I’d never heard from her before… the out and out fish tale.

Mylie: “Mom, I need to go there right now! My friends are almost leaving!”

Me: “Your friends are leaving?”

Mylie: “Yes! They’re almost leaving and I need to go right now!”

Me: [rather amused] “Oh? What friends are there?”

Mylie: [without missing a beat] “Anna and Tofee (pronounced: TOE-fee). Tofee-anna. Two Anna’s. Anna and Tofeeanna.”

Me: [stifling a laugh] “Oh, I’ve never met them before.”

Mylie: “They want me to come play with them. They want me to come right now.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we can’t. Maybe we can invite them to come next time.”

Still not ready to give up, she upped the ante.

Mylie: “Mom! They’re calling my name!”

Me: “Really?!”

Mylie: “Yeah! They’re calling my name and saying, Mylie! Come stand in the middle! They need me to come now!”

I really could hardly contain myself at this point. I had no idea where she came up with any of this, as she is typically very inept at make-believe without an older kid to help her along. But this conversation continued in a similar matter for almost 15 minutes, with her continuing to plead for her “friends”. She must have even convinced herself, because she started to get worked into tears about the whole situation. Luckily, I had one more errand to run, and when she found out she got to go into the Franz Bread Outlet with me, Anna and Tofeeanna were quickly forgotten. Perhaps we were too late and they’d had to leave Chuck E Cheese. Too bad for us.

Epilogue:
Mylie did get to go to Chuck E Cheese’s after all. We went Friday night when our debate party fell through, as a celebration of her first day of preschool. At one point, I do think she told me that Tofeeanna was there, but I really couldn’t hear her well in the din of the screams and bells and ticket machines.

…but nobody came. Probably just as well, because I pretty much spent most of the evening wanting to throw things at the TV. Let’s be fair, these guys haven’t had much sleep in the last couple days, but I didn’t realize how badly lack of sleep affects one’s hearing. Because neither one of them seemed to be able to hear or comprehend a single question that Jim Lehrer posed. Basically, they’d hear the catch phrase in the question, “Iraq” or “Russia” or whatever, and they’d launch into answering whatever question they wanted that only loosely related to the topic.

Yes, I know, this is nothing new in debates or presidential politics. But, for the love of all things holy… can we please get a straight answer around here? Mr. Obama, what will you give up in light of the federal bailout? “Um, well, let me tell you which programs I want to add.” Okay, Senator McCain, what will you give up? “I want to cut taxes.” Seriously? Were either of you listening at all?

My favorite part? “Please address each other as you respond.” It took a full three direct requests by Jim Lehrer before either one of them realized how the debate was supposed to work. And even then, they weren’t very good at it. Obama started getting around to it after awhile, but I don’t believe McCain ever actually addressed Obama the entire debate. Maybe it’s just that I’m too much of a rule follower, but when the moderator tells you how the debate is supposed run, follow the format, or you look like idiots.

I don’t think either candidate came out looking exceptionally peachy. There was a lot of name dropping, and mischaracterizing of statements and positions. But does anyone out there feel like they actually know either one any better? No one’s going to be changing their votes. And undecided voters may just decide not to vote at all (assuming the undecided voters even bother to watch debates). I will say, however, that Senator McCain missed an amazing amount of opportunities to catch Obama in lies and mischaracterizations. He seemed to be trying so hard to come off as Miss Congeniality (despite a number of comments to the opposite), that he was afraid to step on Obama’s toes. Senator Obama, on the other hand, missed few opportunities to point out McCain’s mischaracterizations. He was forceful and confident, and used a surpisingly few number of “Um’s.” Looks like someone’s been practicing. Despite my dissapointment in both candidates this evening, I’m declaring round one for Obama.

Babies: I always knew I wanted kids. It was never really even a question for me. I liked baby-sitting when I was younger, and even started my own chapter of the “Baby-Sitter’s Club“. But what it’s taken me a few years to totally comprehend and admit is that I’m really not a baby person. Sure, I love my own babies, and I can appreciate others. But it’s definitely not my favorite stage. I don’t feel the overwhelming desire to hold any baby in the room. I only slightly mourn the loss as my own babies become toddlers. I am much more enthusiastic once they can play and communicate (in various forms). Perhaps this is because neither of my children have been exceptionally cuddly babies, preferring to be down moving around and playing at all times. If I ever get a cuddly one, you can check back and see if my entry has changed.

Baton: I am a third generation baton twirler. Although, I guess that’s a little misleading. My grandmother taught herself to twirl baton, and then coached my mom and aunt. Both of them were exceptionally good, winning lots of competitions, including the state championships. During college, they coached a national championship team. I’ve seen a scratchy video of the championship performance, and it’s amazing. So, when I was in high school, I wanted to carry on the tradition (and a little bit I wanted to get out of having to play an instrument in the marching band), so I asked my mom to teach me to twirl. My friend and I twirled for the next three years, including fire batons, though we were never outstanding. To this day, though, the word “Baton” never fails to get my mom’s attention. My brother and I use it as our secret weapon when she’s not hearing anything else we say (“Mom… Mom! MOM!! HEY MOM!!!…. BATON!!!!”). See also: Hearing loss

Birthmark: I don’t have one. But when I was born, my lung collapsed because of meconium aspiration syndrome. So the doctors did emergency surgery by cutting into my chest and re-inflating my lung. So, I’ve always had a little cross shaped scar on my left chest that I’ve called my birthmark. It’s pretty faded now, but I always thought it was pretty cool – a badge of courage or something. Interestingly enough, my brother also suffered from meconium aspiration syndrome at birth. So my parents stopped having kids after that.

Books: I used to be a bookworm. I read constantly. But, like many, that all ended in college, when reading for fun was no longer an option. And now it’s a lot harder to find time to read as much as I used to. Actually, I do find the time. But I find it in places that should contain doing chores, or playing with kids, or generally functioning as the adult in the house. So I try not to do that too often. See also: Books, Children‘s

Books, Children’s: I am highly disappointed in the quality of most children’s books lately. They all have a really great cover, great title, and even a great concept. And the story is AWFUL. It’s like people who write and publish children’s books these days have absolutely no concept of who their audience is.

Breakfast: I dislike or merely tolerate almost all breakfast foods, especially for more than one day in a row. This list includes eggs & omlettes, french toast, waffles, yogurt, toast, oatmeal, bananas and especially cold cereal. For this reason, I often skip breakfast. Not because I mean to, but because I take so long figuring out what to eat, that I get distracted and it’s lunch time by the time I remember. Favorite breakfast foods – Cold Pizza or Brownie Sin Bars. See also: Addictions

Brunette: My natural hair color. I was blonde as a small child, but progressively got darker until I was 10, and had to die my hair black for a part in the musical South Pacific. It just never went back after that. See also: Accents

Bryan: My maiden name. Honestly, I don’t know where it comes from. I never bothered to ask the question. But I do know that, growing up, I thought it was annoying that people always spelled wrong, like “Brian”. But it worked because they always spelled my first and middle names wrong too. I have since joined a Facebook group called “People Who Always Have to Spell Their Names for Other People”. I also was always slightly bothered by the fact that you could remove one letter from my name and I would have had three guy’s names: Karl Jo[e] Bryan. Weird.

Butterfly, Beautiful: My first Halloween costume, age 2. Complete with “deely bobber” antennae. My mother made it, as she did all my Halloween costumes for the first 10 or so years of my life. So far, I have made a some total of…uh…zero Halloween costumes for my children.