A post has been rolling around in my head for quite some time (approximately 2 months, as you will see from the date of my last post). I’ve been hesitant to post it, as I am not completely sure how to present my ideas without appearing to fish for compliments from the three of you who still occasionally check my blog my loyal followers. And yet, I proceed.
I’ve espoused the wonders of “Google Reader” on here before. Google Reader, or any other “feed reader” allows you to “subscribe” to your favorite blogs, being notified instantly of any new postings. And as soon as I caught the fire of a feed reader, I ran with it. One blog that I follow will link to a new blog that they like, and so I discover hundreds of new blogs. I am also able to cyber-stalk friends and past acquaintances by finding links to their blogs on my other friend’s blogs. It’s a wonderful system.
But here’s the rub. I am currently subscribed to 132 blogs. Yes, that’s right. 132. No wait, I just added another. Now it’s 133. And I’ve got them all sorted out in folders for different categories. I’ve got blogs on Digital Scrapbooking, Emergency Preparedness, Home Improvement, Education, Crafts, Penny Pinching, Family, Friends, Fun, Recipes, Religion, Politics, and blogs to tell me about when Google updates it’s feed reader. Seriously, it’s an addiction.
Now, of course, some bloggers are like me… their activity ebbs and flows, sometimes going dead for months. But, others make their living blogging, and so they post upwards of…well…let’s just say the number is infinite.
At first, I was really excited about all the cool information I was collecting. I got great deals, I got great craft ideas, found awesome recipes, and kept track of my family and friends. But as time went on, what I really started focusing on was how much I’m NOT doing. I’m not spouting crafts out my ears, like my friend Summer. I’m not an ace of cakes like Nick’s cousin. I don’t do educational activities each day like the chick on Chasing Cheerios. I try using coupons and save our family a little money each week, but it’s chump change compared to what the women on Frugal Living Online and Super Coupon Girl save. Occasionally I find the time to make my family a nice, well-rounded meal, but Annie at Annie’s Eats works full time as a Resident Medical Student, has a toddler, and still manages to create gourmet dishes from scratch AND blog about them – usually daily. I think I feed the kids fairly healthy food, but when I read the blogs at Super Healthy Kids it makes me feel like I’m practically poisoning them with garbage.
And then there’s the parenting skills. I’ve got a couple good blogs that post GREAT articles on parenting techniques. My favorite, Half-Full Blogversations, espouses such gems as “Emotion Coaching” and “Positive Parenting” and “Teaching Emotional Literacy.” They teach you how to stay calm when you’re angry and believe that rewards are bad for raising healthy adults. Sounds pie in the sky great, but when I try it out on my own kids – well, let’s just say the conversation doesn’t go quite the way they describe it. And when my kid gets more worked up the calmer I stay, I have to wonder what I’m doing wrong?
Growing up, I always pictured myself as becoming the kind of mom that did cool projects, that always had a stash of things to pull out of her hat to do. I pictured myself loving to spend time in the kitchen cooking with my kids. I pictured educational adventures abounding, and my children gathered at my knee singing in 4 part harmony. I thought I would be the quintessential Maria Von Trapp mixed with Martha Stewart with a little bit of Marie Curie thrown in. And that’s just what I see when I look at all these blogs. The culmination of everything I ever wanted to be… and I continue to fall short.
But wait… there’s still the life lesson. This Christmas, my wonderful and adoring husband gave me the best Christmas present ever… he published my blog into a book. It was something I have wanted to do for awhile, but… again… couldn’t find the time to fit it in. So, I got a little time to spend perusing the last two years of my life. And a light started to come on…
Then, as we’ve thought about our goals for this wondrously hope-filled new year, we’ve started to list our priorities. What is it that we want to make sure we fit in to each day? Turns out… all those things I thought I wanted to do are not even listed on my priorities list. Sure, I’d still like to get there some day. But what most of those people do… well, they specialize. They’re like a gourmet restaurant that knows what they do well, and they serve that up perfectly every night. They’ve got talent and they capitalize on it. Of course, I’m not saying these people can’t do anything else besides what they blog about. It’s just, that’s the only thing we get to see about their lives.
My talent? Well, from the day I was born my talent has been a desire to do EVERYTHING. And some of the time, I can make it happen. But as I grow older, I’m learning that “Jack of All Trades, Master of None,” is not just some meaningless adage. My list of things I want to do keeps growing bigger and bigger, and my time availability keeps growing smaller and smaller.
So, my goal for this year? I’m going to stop comparing myself to the blogosphere. I’m going to remember that what people publish is just a little tiny capsule of their lives… one that they choose to let you see. I’m going to remember that I’m just one person, and couldn’t possibly do the work of 133. I’m going to focus on my priorities, and realize that even if I yell at my kids, or never make a paper mache’ volcano with them, or let them watch TV for an hour every day while I sit at my computer, I can still keep my priorities in order. I can and will do the important things… I will read to them, I will spend a little more time with them. I will teach them the things that I AM good at, and I will give them the space to determine what they’re good at. I will pray with them, and read the scriptures with them. And, hopefully, I will teach them how to love, be loved, and how to love themselves. And maybe one day I’ll figure out how to do it all, and I’ll be that gourmet meal of a mom. Until then, I’m going to be satisfied with this delicious buffet line I get to dabble in and sample from.
AMEN!!! Thanks for the post. I've been missing you! I noticed that none of your examples were from MY blog, which just reminds you that we're a lot alike. I guess it's not just our kids. Anyway, I COMPLETELY agree. Thanks for the reminder that we're not all good at everything.
Oh Karli, you are such a wonderful mommy and wife! I about fell out of my seat when I saw the pre-school set up you had going on, and I'm always impressed with how great you are with your kids! I think it's good for all of us to remember to enjoy ourselves and our families, and not to compare ourselves to others. Hope things are going well for you and your cute family!
The other thing you should realize, and I know you already do but it's easy to forget, is when we look at other people and what they do well we want to do what everyone else is doing well…..which is more than one person. What I'm trying to say is – does the super coupon girl also do crafts with her kids and be ace of cakes and make gourmet dinners from scratch etc etc? You are looking at so many people and taking the one thing they do well and expecting yourself to do multiple people's one talent….
You are exceptionally talented Karli and I read your blog and I hope that someday when I have kids I will be a mom like you. Honestly. Because you're a real mom with real days and you're very honest about the goods and the bads and the in betweens. I and ADORE that.
Happy new year. xoxo
Well-written post! You have a knack for writing things exactly how you feel them and this was just another example of that!
Thanks for such a fantastic post. I concur, the blogosphere has the potential to turn a mom into a self-doubting, neurotic mess with just a few mouse clicks.
Congrats on your new blog book! I am currently working on my second annual blog book and I would love to see yours… if that is not too forward or weird of me to ask.
I love, love, love the blog to book technology and the potential for family and personal documentation.
P.S. I also adored your 3-part concoction of the perfect mom. I think I would throw Marry Poppins in there, too — just so I could fly by umbrella whenever i felt the need.
Karli, I stand in awe of you. I was driving by your house yesterday thinking about all the things you do, activities you're involved in, your theater program, teaching Mylie's preschool, etc, and I was amazed by you. I don't know how you find the time and the creativity to do all that you do, but it amazes me and I wish I could do it too. So, since I feel like a slacker mom most of the time I'm glad to know that someone I look so as a "super-mom" feels lacking in some respects. Thanks for sharing your real thoughts and feelings. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one failing to make paper mache crafts with my kids and cooking gourmet food nightly….or ever.
Now see – you're all way too kind. I knew this blog would elicit all kinds of compliments, and while that's nice, it wasn't really my intention. I don't know how many of you get the follow up comments or come back to check them, but I'll respond anyway.
Kierst – there's a ton from your blog I could have exampled. But I especially admire your willingness to be real…which is what I was emulating here.
Summer – while I'd like to take credit for the preschool set-up, I'm afraid I can't. It's a pre-packaged deal. I just had to cut out the laminated stuff. But thanks.
Kristen – yes, exactly! That's also what I was trying to say but didn't get it out quite right. I updated the post to reflect that a little better.
Lisa – what can I say… I miss you!
Nicole – I'd LOVE to share blog books. I've heard much ado about yours, and when I was trying to make one on my own, I was going to ask you the same thing. Oh! and I did think about throwing Mary Poppins in there…but then I thought, well, maybe I just want to be Julie Andrews, and she didn't fit in with my alliteration.
Ashley – any full-time stay at home mom plus part-time working mom gets BONUS BONUS points in my eyes. Not to mention you have the cutest kids ever, so that's a triple bonus.
I thought the exact same thing when I saw the preschool setup. I was imagining how I wouldn't have done anything even close to that. Read my blog, and you will always feel better. But really, I feel like so many moms pretend on their blogs like they have no problems and that all they do all day long is laugh joyously and craft with their kids. It's all about keeping it real I say. You are great, and don't compare yourself to what may not even be those people's day to day reality. Oh… I read free range parenting and really liked it a lot. A couple of issues with… but I do with every parenting book. Di did you read the article in Time in November on "Helicopter Parenting?" My baby class discussed it this last week, and it was interesting! Man, it is really time for us to get together!!!
You so have more than three loyal followers.
Just wear a cape around and then whatever you do you WILL be super mom.
I think your post is great and I can't believe that you have found over 100 blogs to follow! I get overwhelmed with the few that I follow, lol. I may need to look into the google reader thing.
I think it's important to remember that a blog means something different to each author. I may not "keep it real" per se, but it's just not what my family blog is to me. I hope others don't read it and think that I am bragging or am high and mighty. I just don't feel like sharing every time my kid pees his pants or throws a tantrum etc. I'll share those treasures/frustrations with Derrick…poor guy!
You crack me up and I can so relate! Looking forward to some new pics of your kids.. it's been awhile. Just yesterday my screen saver flashed a picture of Aidan and Mylie on their first chrsitmas… he was a missionary and her a pumpkin… where does the time go???
I find Google Reader overwhelming at times. I love all the things I can subscribe to, but if I don't stay on top of things, I come back to find hundreds of posts to catch up on. I've learned to delete the blogs that post too much; it keeps me sane.
I personally think a Jack of all trades is going to get your further with your kids. From what I have read, you seem to have quite a background to draw from and plenty of smarts to implement your schemes. Good luck with it all; motherhood will keep you busy forever it seems.